buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
