Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There are leaves in my underwear?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
