U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
