Non-Jews are for practice
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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