Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
