Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
