I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
