I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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