i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he had hair everywhere except his balls
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
