We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You took a bar mat shot.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
