I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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