Where is the hickey?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
wow bdsm is so cute
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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