That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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