the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
