He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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