using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
