Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
