I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
