My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
