There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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