If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
