In the future we'll all be gay
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
