What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
