Need sex. Gaining weight.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
