I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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