Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
