so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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