sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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