How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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