she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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