I think im going to throw up on grandma
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
