Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
