i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
