Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
