You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
