I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
