I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
