In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
