OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
