I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We got so high we made milksteak
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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