Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
