Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
