I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
