I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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