oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
