my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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