I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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