Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
