i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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