i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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