she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i now understand why vodka
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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