i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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