On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
