The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
