I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
